Copyright: © 1997 Evangelical Lutheran Church in Canada. This document may be freely reproduced for non-commercial purposes with credit and mention of the Lift Up Your Hearts web site http://www.worship.ca/ as the source.

Pneuma is a journal on spiritual direction and formation in the Evangelical Lutheran Church in Canada. The Rev. Tim Lofstrom is in the last year of parental leave-from-call. His wife serves as the Pastor of Faith Lutheran Church in Powell River, BC.

Prayer is less the flowery words or distant experience. Prayer is me talking now, yelling now, crying now, singing now, giving up now. Prayer brings me to sit and listen to God. God who gave up his life that I have a chance at living. I am not in control. God has a to-do list for me that I can never finish. God has a to-do list for me that I can accomplish.

Computers are my living now. Yet often the electrons do not file through the silicon correctly. My valuable customers become less than pleased. Their screens go blank. This is bad for business. Our children smile, and struggle, and cough away the latest flu. My to-do list of A-1's continues to grow. It feels that more items come off by attrition than by accomplishment.

I kneel, before the computer screen working, relieving my back injury pain. I run in the morning, though my breath is short from allergens. Our old dog no longer runs beside me. Arthritis keeps her home. Taxes are due. The business needs to be organized, the house cleaned, the doors fixed, the faucets replaced. It is not easy getting so old, where pain seeps in to one's bones and brain.

But it is better than the other option!

So I pray, "Thank you Lord for all your blessings. Thank you for all the good things that happened today. For the business that produced good work today and for vision for the business in the future. For the call from my bother. For the clear breeze from up the mountain lake that blows the effluent from the paper mill out to sea -- away from me. Thank you for this breeze that brings easy breath for my sleeping. Thank you that my ankles feel good today, my back is mostly pain-free. Thank you that we have such a large house to live and work and grow in. Thank you for all the gifts that I cannot earn nor deserve: a devoted spouse; two intelligent, healthy, joyful, growing children; a community of good will towards the less fortunate; a beautiful view each morning of sea and mountains; a car that runs; a lively second dog that runs with me. Thank you for the daily reminders of my frailties; thank you for the grace that helps me make it through everyday, that helps me make it better for others, that helps me live and breathe and pray."

I pray thank you's as I walk, and work, and eat. Prayer is part of each hour, mixed in the chaos. Not an answer or solid footing, but an anchor that holds me steady in the rough seas.

After the thank you's I plead for help. Or maybe I plead first. I beg for everything! I plead for everything I think I need. I pray for others' needs. I pray for life and peace. I pray for my enemies. I plead for my family's safety. I pray for fresh air.

And then I pray as Jesus taught us: "Abba in heaven, hallowed be your name..." Because I know I do not know how to pray, yet this will be sufficient for the day.

Prayer is less the flowery words or distant experience. Prayer is me talking now, yelling now, crying now, singing now, giving up now. Prayer brings me to sit and listen to God. God who gave up his life that I have a chance at living. I am not in control. God has a to-do list for me that I can never finish. Instead of making my to-do list God's, in prayer I try to make God's to-do list my own.

Prayer is less the flowery words or distant experience. Prayer can be you talking now, yelling now, crying now, singing now, giving up now. Prayer brings you to sit and listen to God. Prayer brings life.